Source: China Youth Daily
Author: Xia Jin
Mr. Li has been distressed recently.His son Xiaopeng is 14 years old and is a second grade student in junior high school.During the epidemic, Mr. Li bought a mobile phone for his son because of online class.Unexpectedly, his son was fascinated by online games while studying with his mobile phone.Now Mr. Li goes home from get off work every day, and he sees his son holding a mobile phone to play games. No matter how criticism, his son refuses to give up the game.In his anxiety, Mr. Li confiscated his son's mobile phone several times, but he had to return it to him due to his learning needs.
Xiaopeng is disgusted with confiscation of mobile phones.He told the China Youth News · China Youth.com reporters that in fact, he couldn't talk about the game, but because the students around him were playing, in order to have a common topic with them, he joined it.In the game they play, the high ranking will be respected and worshiped by the little friends, just like those who have performed well in the class and have face -to -face.
Xiaopeng said that he will spend one to two hours every day to play games, and it may increase to three to four hours on the weekend, which is actually a very common phenomenon in classmates.He also understands that his parents do not let the game be good for himself, but he does not like the way his parents treat themselves -they are always forced to stop when they play.
In order to prevent the addiction of the son's game and affect learning, and at the same time, in order to seek better communication with his son, Mr. Li took Xiaopeng to participate in the "Youth Network Health Summer Camp" event held by Beijing Huilongguan Hospital (hereinafter referred to as """Summer Camp Activity").
Other parents who come to participate in the summer camp activities are also the same as Mr. Li, and have different degrees of concern for their children's long -term indulgence in the mobile phone world.Many parents said they were anxious about playing mobile phones.A mother said that as soon as she saw the child picking up her mobile phone, she would immediately think of him to play for a few hours in a row, and then he would think of the child's performance decline, which may affect the future life, so the anxiety was born.She believes that this is not her own imagination, but what happens to happen, so she is even more anxious and cannot control her emotions.
Young people need to be respected and equal treatment
At the summer camp activities, Liu Liping, a well -known family education psychological expert and director of the China Psychological Crisis Intervention Association, said that in reality, many times parent -child relationships will become nervous because of mobile phone problems.What parents need to understand is that adolescent children are in a special stage of life, and they need respect.
Many parents will feel that their children become "rebellious" after their adolescence. In fact, "rebellion" is just a label that parents posted to their children. The child is unwilling to "obedient" because he feels that he is an independent person and needs to be respected and needs to be respected., Treat them equally.For example, on the question of playing mobile phones, if parents only allow their children to play their mobile phones for 30 minutes a day, but they hold their mobile phones and brush them.Parents' requirements for themselves are "unfair."Therefore, when parents restrict their children's mobile phones, they must also lead by example.In fact, any rules formulated in the family must comply with their children.
Many times, the conflict of contradictions in parents and children is that parents think that their children have been using their mobile phones for too long, but their children feel that they are not overly used and they are not addictive.So, how to distinguish between normal use, excessive use and network addiction?
Liu Liping said that the performance of the normal use of the network is: out of curiosity, to surf the Internet in order to alleviate tension and fatigue, the Internet time is appropriate, the relationship between the network and real life is balanced, and social functions are not affected by the Internet.The performance of the over -use of the network is: addicted to it, the Internet time is too long, at least four hours a day, the Internet occupies most of the spare time, and the social function is damaged.The performance of Internet addiction is that there are strong online thirst for online, and the abstinence reaction will occur after leaving the Internet. Real life and online life will be seriously imbalanced. The Internet occupies the dominant position in life, and the social function is also obviously damaged.
"Excessive use does not mean Internet addiction, but it is likely to allow children to move towards Internet addiction. Therefore, if parents find that their children use their mobile phones for too long, they must attract great attention." Liu Liping said.
Reward Internet access and complete quitting network are dangerous methods
On August 28, the China Internet Information Center released the 52nd statistics report of the China Internet Development Status that as of June 2023, the size of Chinese netizens reached 1.079 billion.According to previous statistical reports, Chinese netizens per day on the Internet per week are 26.7 hours.The number of online game users reached 522 million, accounting for 48.9%of the overall netizens.
In 2021, the research report data from the Internet usage of minors nationwide showed that in 2021, the size of Chinese minor netizens (Note: The survey target is under the age of 18, excluding groups under 6 years old and non -student samples) reached 1.91 to 1.91) to 1.91.91100 million, the penetration rate of the minor Internet reached 96.8% -According to the China Statistical Yearbook 2021 data of the National Bureau of Statistics, the population of ordinary primary schools, junior high schools, ordinary high schools, and secondary vocational education (excluding adult education) population nationwide in a total of 1977 million.In 2021, the penetration rate of Chinese elementary school students reached 95.0%.Among minor netizens, the proportion of using mobile Internet access is 90.7%, and the proportion of games often playing games online is 62.3%(Note: Based by the size of minor netizens).
"It is really addicted to playing mobile phones, and adults are still the same, let alone children." Said another parent Du who participated in the summer camp activities.
He told the China Youth News · China Youth.com reporters that their 12 -year -old daughter was taken care of by her grandmother since she was a child, and she recently lived with him.Under the pampering and indulgence of the elderly, her daughter hugs her mobile phone every day when she goes home from school, and she does not lift her head to play games and swipes videos. It is a few hours when playing, and criticizing her will lose his temper.Mr. Du decided to change his daughter's "evil habit", so he went out to play with her daughter as soon as she had time. When she had no time, she asked her daughter to go out to play with her peers and keep her away from her mobile phone.After two weeks of hard work, her daughter has changed a lot. She no longer holds her mobile phone at night, her temper is much better, and the communication between father and daughter is much smoother.However, Mr. Du was also very worried that he didn't know how long this change would last.
Ms. Meng is very experienced in controlling children's use of mobile phones.She strictly manages her children and adopts the method of "reward mechanism" learned in psychological counseling classes.Her child is 9 years old and has shown great interest in mobile games.Ms. Meng allows her children to play for half an hour a day. They can only play for 10 minutes each time. They can increase to 1 hour on the weekend. If the child performs well, such as excellent grades and helping to do housework, you can earn yourself for a few minutes to play with your mobile phone.time."Children are young, so they are obedient and can abide by the rules. I don't know what will happen in the future." Ms. Meng said without worry.
In contrast, Mr. Chen's processing method is relatively "extreme". His son is 11 years old and is still in elementary school. He has put on glasses.The son spends one or two hours to play mobile games every day. The child's mother is educating bitterly, but the child is not obedient.
Mr. Chen was ruthless, demolished the router at home, and confiscated all the children's electronic equipment, so that the child had no chance to contact mobile games.Mr. Chen said that he works in an Internet company, so knowing that the mechanism of the game settings is addictive. He thinks that he wants to quit the game and draw salary at the bottom of the game.When the game was stopped, the child was also very uncomfortable, but Mr. Chen would read books with the child and discuss the content of the book with the child.Gradually, the child develops the habit of reading reading.However, Mr. Chen did not rest assured. "I don't know if he will have the opportunity to re -contact the Internet in the future, will he be addicted to the game again."
Yu Jianjin, director of the Alcohol Inteuses Hardyard of Huilongguan Hospital, said that for low -aged children, the reward mechanism should be used with caution.Because not with adultsAt the same time, the young children are relatively weak. When using the reward mechanism, it is easier to add to the "prizes" when growing up.
"Because the 'prize' was obtained by his hard work, when he found that one day he found that he could easily get a reward that he had worked hard, he would be addicted to it.The network is also a more dangerous method, because the spiritual and active substance, whether it is alcohol or a mobile game, if forced abstinence, there will be obvious abstinence reactions, such as panic, anxiety, emotional instability, and the sense of lack of inner heart.Yes, once the child has the opportunity to contact again in the future, it will be fascinated by madly. "
The root cause of game addiction is that the child's needs are not met
"Online game addiction is one of the more common psychological problems of teenagers." Liu Yan, a psychotherapist of Beijing Huilongguan Hospital Addiction Medical Center, said that the performance of game addiction is that there is a continuous or repeated game behavior, game behaviorOut of control, game behavior becomes a priority of life. Despite the negative consequences of the game, the game behavior has led to obvious functional damage.
Liu Yan, for example, children with game addiction often have the following specific performance: repeated and continuously play games, and they obviously promise that parents can only play for half an hour, but they can't control it. They want to extend the game time and play gamesBecome the only important thing in life, do not go to school well, do not like to make friends, and even eat or sleep, knowing that the game has brought a lot of bad consequences to yourself, such as decreased vision, upside down sleep, decline in grades, emotional irritability, Conflict with parents, etc., but still unable to stop.
"Game addiction is a kind of behavioral addiction. Different with material addiction is that game addiction reflects a real demand. If you want to know why children are addicted to game addiction, they must understand that he needs to understandWhat do you get in the game? "Liu Yan said," If one thing, the child knows that it is bad but will still do it. It must be because it is very important and will bring him some meaning. What parents need to know is that these areWhat is the significance? Usually, the child's indulging in the game cannot be extracted, it must be because he has obtained what he needs in real life in the game, suchChannel; another possibility is that children are facing a lot of pressure in life. These pressures may come from poor parent -child relationships and poor companion relationships. In order to avoid the difficulties in reality, the child hides into the game world. " Liu Liping told China Youth News · China Youth.com reporters that the children and psychology of adolescence are changing, and the second grade of junior high school is a particularly obvious "watershed". During this period, children will have a differentiation of academic performance.Some children will have a clear learning goal and motivation, study hard, and prepare for the middle school entrance examination; some children will grades at this stage, and interpersonal relationships become bad. They think that parents do not understand themselves. In this case, they are likely to fall into online games.In the virtual world, find a sense of accomplishment, value, and belonging that cannot be obtained in reality.
"Parents are very important for children's companionship and recognition. Let children get enough happiness in reality, and children will not be overly obsessed with the virtual world." Yu Jianjin said.
She told China Youth News · China Youth.com reporters that clinically found that patients who depended on alcohol can use alternative treatment methods, that is, another mental active substance to replace alcohol.The spiritual activity substances replaced, and no longer rely on alcohol.Yu Jianjin believes that allowing children to stay away from mobile games can also adopt the same method. Parents' companionship, care and praise can be used as another kind of safe and healthy mental activity material, which can bring children a confident and happy feeling.Parents give their children enough companionship, and children will not rely on the game too much.
"The Internet and the game are not 'original sin'. The real 'original sin' is that the child's needs in life are not met, which causes children to only go to the game to seek what they need." Liu Yan said, "From the psychological psychology," from psychologicalIn terms of learning, this is actually a self -rescue behavior of children, and a compensation and compensation behavior. Therefore, parents can think about what is the lack of children in real life? How do parents help their children in real life in real lifeGet what they lack? In this way, you can pull the child back to the real life from the game world. "
"Parents can also reflect on it. The reason why children always like to hold their mobile phones are related to themselves." Yu Jianjin said that clinically found that in many casesEssenceThey often blame their children that when they talk to their children, they jump like a thunderous thunder, making children feel that talking to parents is not as good as people in their mobile phones.Some parents have too low evaluation of their children in their lives, and often do not recognize their children's behavior, so that children feel that they are frustrated in the real world, so they only want to stay in the virtual world of mobile games.
Liu Yan suggested that parents can learn some knowledge about young people, understand the characteristics of young people, and adjust from the family level to meet the psychological needs of young people.When a child has psychological problems, parents should try to understand the causes of the problem. They do not have to be anxious and panic. "These problems can be treated, intervened, and solved." Liu Yan said.
(Parents and students interviewed in the text are pseudonym)
