Beijing -I first infected with the new crown virus in early December last year.

After seeing the positive results of the fast antigen detection bar, I panicked.At that time, the Chinese government was still insisting on the new crown "clearing zero", using large -scale control and all -staff nucleic acid detection to prevent the spread of viruses, although this is not beneficial.Will the epidemic prevention from the white protective clothing from head to toe be transferred to a centralized isolation facility with poor conditions?These scary "big whites" seem to have taken over the country.

Millions of Chinese people always lived in fear of hearing the sound of knocking.I dare not go out in the home of Beijing.Three days later, the government basically abandoned the anti -hit virus.I am free. The way to celebrate is to get two garbage bags full of garbage downstairs.

For three years, the government has been telling the Chinese people to curb the spread of the new crown virus, but then suddenly changed the policy. It was on the streets at the end of November last year to protest the life and economic costs caused by the new crown "Qing Zero" increasingly increasingly the cost of life and economic costs.Soon after getting bigger.But the government almost left us to prepare for the next situation.

The government has not been working hard to promote the public vaccination, and has not yet approved the import of more effective foreign vaccines (except for foreign diasporas allowing foreign diasporas in China to use German vaccines).How to avoid getting sick or emergency, there are few suggestions.We can only rely on ourselves.

With the rapid transmission of the virus, antipent medicines such as ibuprofen become a medicine.Social media is full of despair posts to buy these drugs.I have hoarded some medicines a few months ago, so I can divide some people in Beijing.With the courier infected with the virus, the logistics system of the capital was overwhelmed. Two packs of medicines were called me to a taxi, so that the driver was sent directly.A pregnant woman I helped send me two boxes of oranges to express my gratitude.As the medicines in my hands are getting less and less, I dare not watch social media anymore.

The situation in the country has deteriorated rapidly.Patients are full of clinics and emergency department; hospitals and nursing homes are difficult to prepare for medicine.The wave of infection hit my hometown in the east in the last few days of December last year.I was worried about grandma 85, so I rushed back.

My childhood was cared for carelessly under her care. She often watched her cook with old -style firewood (I still feel that the meal that made so is the best).She was born before the founding of New China in a relatively wealthy family in 1949. After decades of political turmoil after decades, she was always full of dignity, wisdom and optimism when speaking of those difficult days.She can finally enjoy blessing now.I can't imagine that she will die in the new coronal virus infection.

The government once said that the severe "clear zero" measures are to protect the elderly, weak and disabled.However, when the government canceled the "clear zero", only 40%of the 80 -year -old and over elderly people had vaccinated needles.Grandma should take the fourth shot a few months ago, but because she had already taken three stitches, the local area would not let her fight.

She was infected with the new coronary virus before Christmas and then suffered from pneumonia.Local hospitals are overcrowded and have no bed, so we can only take care of her at home.When I called a friend, I couldn't help crying.

I have bought a bottle of oxygen and other supplies for my grandma before.But what I really want is the antiviral drug Paxlovid.China has approved imports at the beginning of last year, but all supply has been snapped up. The price of this five -day treatment medicine in the black market once exceeded $ 7,000, which was almost 20 times the government's pricing.Many people buy generic drugs illegally imported from India.

After looking for two weeks on the Internet, I finally got the order.However, this medicine must be taken within five days after the symptoms. When we receive the medicine, the course of grandma has passed five days.The doctor gave her antibiotics. I have been cooking for her and taking care of her.Fortunately, she has gradually improved in mid -January this year.

Many people are not so lucky: Chinese social media has been circulating photos of unbearable hospitals and crematoriums for several weeks, as well as crickets.My Beijing neighbor lost his father, grandmother, and uncle in this epidemic.When the ambulance has to wait a long time, the situation where the hospital is confused and full of people has hindered them to be treated in time.

"I believe the government too much," she told me."The government lied to us."

The Chinese have just finished the Spring Festival.The Spring Festival is usually the most joyful moment of the year. Hundreds of millions of people returned to their hometowns to reunite with their families before the Spring Festival.But for my neighbors, the Spring Festival every year will remind her of the pain of losing his loved ones.I used to see her in the yard to feed stray cats and post a relaxed and happy life on social media.Now that she has not done these, she is considering leaving China.

According to official statistics, more than 84,000 people in China have died in the new crown virus infection, and most of them died after the government canceled the "clear zero" policy last December.But everyone generally believes that the government's data distortion is distorted.According to a senior scientist working in the government, about 80%of the 1.4 billion population across the country have been infected with viruses in this round of epidemic.Two months ago, this was unimaginable for us.

Two weeks ago, I returned to my hometown from Beijing for seven hours of train from Beijing to spend the Spring Festival with grandma and other relatives.As in previous years, everyone sat in front of the TV to watch the Spring Festival Gala of CCTV. This few hours of joyful shows were prepared for the arrival of the Year of the Rabbit.The show is exquisitely produced and full of self -feelings. It does not count the suffering of millions of people during this round of outbreak.The government -controlled news media rarely mention the epidemic.

It's as if nothing happened.

The government now says that the peak of the epidemic has passed, which may be true.The shelves of the pharmacy are no longer empty.Even PaxLovid has become easier to buy, and I never heard the hospital's overwhelming news again.Friends and friends who returned to work cities last weekend expressed optimism.It is hoped that with the termination of the epidemic measures, the economy and employment markets will be improved.The Chinese have amazing ability to endure and silently tolerate pain.But the trauma in the past few weeks still exists.

Although I have been born in China, I have lived overseas, including the United States for many years.During overseas life, I had to obtain news about China mainly by Western media. I thought foreign reports were often one -sided and too negative.I returned to China shortly before the new crown virus was popular. I originally intended to contact my beloved people and national reconstruction.

But this epidemic exposes China's limitations, the distortion of publicity on the truth, and the government's mistakes is often the reality of the lives and well -being of ordinary people.

Like my neighbors, I also consider leaving my favorite country in the Year of the Rabbit.

Lucy Meng is a journalist and writer who lives in Beijing.

Translation: New York Times Chinese website